i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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