I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
