Just cropdusted the office
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
