why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
