Do you still have your period?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
