Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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