If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
