party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
