I'm really into asian looking animals
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
