I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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