there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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