What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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