Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
