There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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