1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
