i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
