gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
