i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
organizing the empties. That sober.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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