Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
