There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
