i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Randomize
