Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
