Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
