I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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