i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
