covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
