Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize