fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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