she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
