To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
