The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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