Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
