I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
