i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and she was petting her beer can
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
