Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach