If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper