Apparently you make a good broom.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.