Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.