$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.