If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?