It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.