She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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