You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
