You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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