Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize