you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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