Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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