The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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