Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
