this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
