That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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