Your mouth is God's brothel.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
