Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
