I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
