Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
