Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
