either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
