I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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