at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no, he came in my armpit
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
