I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
