i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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