honey bunches of taint.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
