This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
