Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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