let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
