it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
