everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
