who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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